My friends short story

Ok, so I got home from work today and my friend decided he wanted to write something but he decided he was to lazy to write it himself so I'm dictating. It's called Tea lights.

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Crash! A loud bang occurred through the cold and musty streets.
"what are you doing?" exclaimed the masked man.
"I fell over," explained the accomplice.
"Well get your shit together you fucking tard, we have a job to pull, we don't have time for your horse blanketing!"
"Horse blanketing?"
To which he replies "Fuck you!" and deliveres a roundhouse kick to the chest sending the villain to the floor on his back.
"Oof. What the fuck was that?"
"Sorry, I just watched Texas Walker Ranger,"
"Isn't it Walker Texas Ranger?"
To which he replies "Fuck you!" and delivers a roundhouse kick to the chest sending the villain to the floor on his back.
He gets up, dusts himself off, and pulls out a long shiny object from his pocket and then makes hesitant steps toward a large wooden ornate door. From there he inserts the object into the hole positioned below the door knob and starts making lock picking style motions.
"Stop it you Fuck! Stop it! Stop it!"
"Yeah"
"I just broke my ankle!"
"You're such a douche." "I'm sorry"

... To Be Continued

Rehabilitation

Only had half an hour with this one, so it just kinda stops half way through. Anyway enjoy.

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"So after 6 years, my girlfriend and I finally found our strength, we learned how to be together as just friends, and now, with the loving guidance of God, we are on our way to a healthy, hetero sexual relationship with good Christian men, just as God intended. Praise Jesus."

The applause, while certainly not deafening, was oddly intoxicating. In spite of my personal objection to the very notion of 'sin' rehabilitation there was a real sense of hope and community here. No judgment, except the judgment of their God, which for them seemed like such an automatic given, but for me, just didn't seem to make any sense. God was angry with people so he had a son that was himself, and then sacrificed himself, to himself, to forgive me for loving another person that apparently wasn't the right person, just because we couldn't make babies. Before the Missionaries got here, it had never even occurred to us that it was out of the ordinary, some like fish, some like lamb, some like both, but apparently for the mission, folk sex was a pretty big deal.

It started when me Yikojana and I were walking to the foreshore for a dinner, we were holding hands, and kissing from time to time. The missionaries had been around for a couple of decades so we knew they were a little quirky, also we knew that when some of our community would accept their invitations, they would seem to follow suit, wearing the strange clothing and acting uncomfortable about some of our most basic customs, sometimes even with what appeared to be true terror. That always made me sad, but once it happened, it seemed as though there was no getting them back, they would never attend the ceremonies or some cases even come and talk to us. So when the approached Yikojana and I, Yiko said he wasn't interested, but I said, "Perhaps we should go, at least we should find out what this is all about." Yiko simply wasn't interested, but said it was OK for me to go and find out, so I did.

It was really quite fun. The Missionaries taught us some new songs, new to me anyway. and they read us some stories about a Shaman that healed to blind 2000 years ago with the power of they're God. Which was incredible, but when I asked them to heal Moyaci of his deafness, they told me not to question his greatness. Which I didn't understand, I wasn't questioning him, I was asking him to use his power to heal my friends, but the missionaries rarely make much sense to me.

But it continued, they began to speak of the vengeance of their God, that if we didn't follow him, we would be charged for our crimes on earth and tormented for ever. For ever! I was really confused at this point. What did this God want from us, why was he so angry that unless we followed him absolutely, he would punish us forever. Also why had we never heard this before? If it was so important, surely this Gos would have made himself know to our teachers and elders, but until the missionaries came, no one had ever heard of this God.

But then something quite bizarre happened.

Seives

Another attemp at speed writing, enjoy.

“A light shake, continued over time would see the body separate from it’s essence, surely. The work had been done, a bright, youthful being, captured, put to rest, and burned to a fine powder. The separation nearly complete, the dust held securely in the glass chamber. The remains flowing through the sieve would surely leave behind that true essence, the animus, the soul. Shake, shake, shake. It will be there, it must be. The exo-trancendantalist fools that push the responsibility of true science beyond the realms of our reach will be silenced for ever as soon as I can touch and hold that which separates human kind from the dirt that spawned us. Their foolish notions of divinity and spirit are the true retardation of life, and though the sacrifice of a few I will now have the cure in my… wait.. wait, DAMNIT! WHERE IS IT, THERE IS NOTHING BUT ASH BELOW THE SIEVE, NOTHING REMAINED BEHIND, IT CONTINUES TO ELUDE ME. “

***

Ark McGilicutty is a scientist. Once having worked closely with Alfred Russel Wallace in his development of the theory of natural selection, he had at a time considered himself a humanist. But in Darwin’s usurping of the theory, there was little enough room for Wallace let alone his associate, and he was driven from the history of science, a sad fate indeed for any man, for Ark, devastating. It was from this point that he dedicated himself to the point of separation as he called it. Just what had put the process into effect? He knew the scientific story was an incredible one, but it was incomplete. After 3 decades of desperation, drink and decay, Ark decided upon a new goal to set his sights, and this goal was to find the true form, of the human soul.

Upon this realisation he set about to retrieve one.

On a rather ordinary evening in London Ark set about to accomplish his mission. He decided the best place to begin would be one of the many less reputable taverns, which he knew from his own decline would grant prime access to many souls that could be easily dissected. The Whitechapel Inn was his first port of call. Upon entry he looked around for a young girl, she had to be just right. She needed to be young and vibrant, a brightly burning life spark, this would logically be the easiest to find and capture. After a brief search he saw her, a beautiful girl, and he began making steps toward her. But just at that moment he received a tap on his shoulder.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve showing your face in this pub Jack, after what happened last time,” a giant of a man stood over him that Ark did not recognise in the slightest, but he was very frustrated to have his plans so rudely interrupted.

“Sir I don’t know who you are but if you don’t,” BANG! With the force of a horses kick the giant struck him in the face and he fell, immediately succumbing to darkness.

Some time later he awoke in a daze. In pain and struggling to see he felt warmth supporting his head and stroking it.

“Don’t struggle friend, you’ll be alright, twas just a blow to the head, I’ve seen lesser men survive worse,” came the soft sweet voice of a woman. Her sweet scent wafted through the air as Ark regained his senses. After a time he looked up and saw her, it was the girl from the tavern.

“what.. what’s going on,” Ark struggled to speak. He was no longer the young man he once was and was finding it difficult to regain his full faculty.

“That vile brute Sam confused you for one of his, business associates, someone that had done him a wrong. The man he was actually after came in a few moments after he hit you and Sam ran after him down the street. I hate to see an older timer get brought down like that so I took you out here to help you recover.”

“Out here?” Ark looked around, he could see very little. A street light shone some small sliver of light down to where he lay, but it was some distance.

“Don’t worry, your safe here, I bring customers down here from time to time. It’s quiet and the police don’t bother you.”

Sat himself up and began feeling for his possessions, “Have you lost something? Would you like me to go back into the Inn and look for it?” the young girl said, but as she said it he found what he was looking for, and felt a sense of relief combined with a sudden rush of adrenaline that seemed to restore his senses. He looked to the girl and smiled warmly.

“Thank you child, I am in your debt,” he extended his hand for her to shake it.

“I can assure you sir thanks are not necces, aaagh!!!” In a single motion Ark swiftly grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him while taking the blade from his pocket and swiftly but brutally slashing her neck. She attempted to scream but found she couldn’t. Coughing and spluttering and gasping for air she looked up in a confused terror, as Ark pinned her to the ground to stop her from struggling, whole time grinning maniacly.

Eventually she stopped moving, and Ark gaily began exploring the girl, looking for the spark, looking for his scientific breakthrough. He carved his way through her chest, removing organs and examining bones. Suddenly he heard the voice of the giant once again. “Is that you Jack! You know I’m going to find you!” Ark quickly grabbed a couple of things, her heart, lung, liver, and then had to flee. His heart racing he felt at peace for the first time in 30 years, and yet it still wasn’t complete, the experiments had only just begun, next time he would have to be better prepared, he needed tools, instruments, a lab. He needed to make a list of things to fill his inventory, and the first thing on this list, was a sieve.